Ingrid's been living with me the past few weeks. now she left two days ago and i've got just about one week alone before alice
moves in with me. she gets the bedroom; im moving all my stuff into the livingroom. have started making arrangements already - nailing up posters proper (with tacks), re-placing my plants, moving lamps and the like. important decisions are in the making: where will my record player go? what's the proper distance between sofa and tv? should i keep the ugly-comfy chairs? i've redecorated the place in my head a dozen times today already.
as a textbook infp i've kept most of these decisions at bay til now, but actually on purpose - mainly because im not very picky about things of this sort, but also leaving it until my sister's return from her au pair year abroad this fall, followed by her moving in to share the flat with me, simply because she's the one with the great solutions.
i told ingrid about this and she took one good look at me - reviewing, i guess, both me, my messy flat, and my life in general - and pinned our whole relationship down with 'yeah, i know'. i dont have to tell her anything, really; just like she doesnt have to tell me anything either - but still there's no one we'd rather talk to than the other. she's family but more than blood too; we're cut out of the same material (potato, probably).
this's the longest we've ever been together without break for other stuff, supervised by family or busy with holiday celebrations; i half expected a bit of misery and/or needing of a couple of days off from each other, but once we were both settled the thought never crossed my mind. i guess we worked all that out as kids - maybe there's a final portion of how much two people can argue, just as i believe there's a final amount of time one can love another, and we've had our fair share of mad fighting already. we're just great now. greatest of all. i miss her madly. her, and sharing the flat. sure; i say i've got 'just' one week alone now, like i shun the day alice is moving in - and in some ways (like being afraid of sharing the flat which i now see as my-own-place, in all its proper meanings) I guess i do - but i'd be lying denying im wild about this; spending this summer with alice.
and what awesome fun things i'll have to tell Lovisa about when she's back! because this is one hell of a season coming up; season of good company, good food, dancing, working - working out - drinking and writing. and then im off on my next great adventure - sharing life with my little sister. things have happened, in her american life as well as in my magical, seemingly untouchable one - the one founded on childhood and memories; celebrities and heroes. eras have ended, people have been lost and i'm, most involuntary, more concious than ever of the quite obvious fact that nothing is everlasting. such an innocent saying but ringing eerie true once one's nastily reminded. i'm here, she's over there, both richer in mind, grown anew, and with all this built up inside i feel strongly a need to reconnect with her, with both my sisters; where the roots are. sharing this past time with ingrid (whom is also part my sister, but of course not in this same, very physichal way) has only made me more in peace in this conclusion. when in doubt, return to the roots.
ingrid i stockholm, februari
är orimligt taggad på att jag ska åka till frölunda och köpa en ny aux-kabel i eftermiddag. 5 meter lång guldpläterad 179 kr på siba. här ska inte snubblas mer kan jag lova er
är ledig, sitter och skriver detta med med benen i kors på persiska mattan i mitt vardagsrum. lyssnar på en låt lovisa gjort med sin boy i usa. låter fett svajigt. kan dock bero på anledningen till att jag behöver en ny aux-sladd.
är egentligen bara inomhus för att hämta mer kaffe, suttit på balkongen och läst a feast of crows i pyjamas och hoodie sedan jag vaknade. det är vårsol i gbg mina vänner.
gjorde ny playlist
kaffe på balkongen
var är mina brillz
vad jag än försöker skriva kommer jag inte längre än några ord, kanske några radbrytningar innan det säger stopp det här är inte tillräckligt bra, slutar, ångrar mig, klickar delete delete delete tills alla osäkra ord är borta. tar bort idén.
varför inte bara skriva?
just nu läser jag i stället. inte i stället med flit men det blir så. jävligt trött på trötta formuleringar men bra böcker slukar jag snabbare än ett paket ica basic chocolate chip cookies (veganska, 9.90:-). har 11 kapitel och epilogen kvar i a storm of swords så det ska jag väl lyckas plöja mig genom innan februari är över.
böcker jag kommer läsa i år:
- a storm of swords - grrrrr martin
- on the road - kerouac
- rendezvous with rama - arthur c clarke
- lord of the rings - tolkien
- oryx & crake - margaret atwood
böcker jag kommer läsa in my 20s:
- bright lights big city - jay mcinerney
- sun also rises - hemingway
- the bell jar - sylvia plath
- his dark materials - philip pullman
- saga vol 6 - brian k vaughan & fiona staples
- generation x - douglas coupland
- the fortress of solitude - jonathan lethem
- lit - mary karr
- complete poems of anne sexton
- the idiot - dostoyesky
- the good earth - pearl s buck
- solaris - stanislaw lem
- flowers of evil - baudelaire